During the Winter Fun Show, I was helping a little girl in the line up. She was in tears. I could tell she was frustrated with her ride. She had trouble keeping her horse on the rail. As we stood in the line up, I asked her what was wrong and at that moment she could not put her frustration into words. I realized it was best for us to stand together quietly as we waited for the results to be announced. One by one, the ribbons were being called and finally the littles girl's name was called. She was tied last. She got her ribbon and as we were walking out of the ring, I began to talk to her again.
I asked again why she was frustrated, and finally, with tears in her eyes, she put words to her feelings. We moved to the corner and we made a plan for the next class. I talked to her about what I saw and how I thought she could help herself and her horse for the next class. Finally, we talked about coming in last. I told her that if she was going to show, she was going to lose and this was a part of learning. I also told her she needed to like ALL parts of riding horses- not just the blue ribbons- and she agreed. We got her off the horse and I headed to help with the next class in the ring.
After a while, the little girl mounted her next horse for her second class. She entered the arena determined and I coached hard, making sure to help her work on what we talked about. The class was called to the middle to line up and I ran in to celebrate with the little girl. Everything we talked about, she worked on and when I got to her in the line up she was beaming. No ribbons had been called, but we had won! She was in control and listened -and that alone was the big win. The announcer called the number for first place - and it was the little girl. Truly, icing on the cake!
This little girl and this moment got me thinking. The learning, the growing and the development is in the losing, not the winning. You WILL lose. We ALL Lose. The greats will fall and the underdogs will win. Those are the moments that make the movies we watch and give us the hope that there is a chance for all of us. Why do we get so upset abut losing? I get upset about losing, too! But those moments are what makes us the the winners we want to be. That last place ribbon MADE the first place ribbon. That Big Loss sparked the Big conversation with a little girl that rides at my barn that I do not teach. That Big Loss earned me my Biggest Hug and my Happiest moment of the horse show.
If you are a basketball fan you know that North Carolina is experiencing a very disappointing season. They are losing, and losing a lot. Right now, in this moment, a lot of learning can come from all of the losing the North Carolina Tarheels are experiencing . Like I have already said, even the greats lose. But, if you think this is the last you will see oof the Tar Heels -whether you are a fan or not- you are crazy. They will learn. They will practice and I know they will come back bigger and better than ever. They will not forget the losing because that will be what they talk about as they come back.
My lowest points personally and professionally have also been the most real and the most defining moments of my life. I don't forget how I felt and I sure don't forget what I learned. Most importantly, I know those losses made for the successes that came because of the losses.
Parents, let them lose and show them how to be a good sport. Let them be disappointed and show them how to change the frustration to determination. Let them cry and let them wipe their tears and make a plan to make a change. Now, more than ever, as a parent I know the falls hurt, but if they need to get back up on their own. They will learn that what they are made of and that what they learn in the process is the real winning -and that victory will be bigger than any blue ribbon.
Here is to letting them lose -so they can truly win!
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